Relationships can be the cause of joy and profound sadness in life. We love, and the world seems like it belongs only to us. Then one day, we wake up, and we feel we are losing a little of ourselves in each other. Resentment can slip in, as can boredom for the monotony. Much of what ends a relationship is miss-communication on what each other are looking for. Or we grow apart as we take different paths. In this, relationships and arrangements differ in nature.
The Conditions of Arrangements
The idea of romantic love starts in our Disney youth. We believe our eyes will meet and sparks will fly with another. I do not deny love at first sight. Good partners though, are often brushed aside because we are disappointed that it doesn’t feel serendipitous. We have an unrealistic notion of ‘The One’. Men that excite us the most in the beginning, are not always right for us.
Arrangements, however, are far more pragmatic in approach. They begin with an open conversation where expectations are stated clearly. They do not start unless there is respect for one another’s boundaries and preferences. Arrangements can be more fulfilling than traditional relationships because they focus on compatibility more so than initial physical attraction.
Arrangements are conditional. They are successful because both parties have agreed to meet the initial requirements. It is in this way that an arrangement can remain mutually beneficial. Often a relationship can become pressured to please one side only. Focus on satisfying each others needs in a practical way is the foundation of an arrangement.
Arrangements are as meaningful as relationships
Arrangements may start in a very different way to a relationship, but this shouldn’t suggest that they are less meaningful. When two people understand and respect the intentions of another, you can keep your expectations on a realistic level. You aren’t questioning each other or where the dynamic is going. Disappointment is avoided through understanding each others needs.
Arrangements allow for affection, intimacy, and even love. If that is what both parties are looking for. But, a focus is still on benefiting one another and enriching each other lives over trying to change each other to make for a compatible partnership. Establishing compatibility from the offset is the point of an arrangement.
Benefits stated rather than expected
On a first date, it is safe to say many women expect the man to pay for dinner. Some women would be offended by this statement. The man not paying would hurt the feelings of other women. Rather than having a date of uncertainty and possible disappointment, an arrangement sets the terms. The gentleman tends to pay the expenses of your time together.
In a relationship, if the man is earning a higher income, it is not unreasonable for his partner to pay less on their social time together. Again, this isn’t always the case and isn’t still an easy conversation to raise. An arrangement will cover these details openly at the beginning. Travel, expenses, and some disposable holiday money, for example, may be an offer made in an arrangement.
The main benefit I feel of arrangements over relationships is openness. There is no confusion as to the role each other are to play. Disappointment is avoided, and uncertainty is put to rest, leaving room to enjoy each others time together to the fullest.