Curating a Courtesan
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Discussing an allowance in a sugar arrangement


The ‘Sugar Bowl’ as its known is a place to potentially meet a benefactor that will enrich your life beyond your dreams. The promise of exotic vacations, luxurious gifts, mentorship in your career, and building a connection with someone who understands all your needs is hugely enticing. These benefits, for some, are not all that is required to engage in a mutually beneficial arrangement. The topic of an allowance can be sensitive. You don’t want to appear that money is your primary motivation. You also don’t want to dedicate time to a potential benefactor who doesn’t reach your requirements. So how do you approach the allowance conversation?

When to bring up the topic of an allowance

There is a debate among sugar babies/courtesans as to when you should bring up the topic of an allowance. The platform in which I use to find my sugar daddies/benefactors is Seeking Arrangement. My profile states that I seek financial support. I ensure it is written in a way that it is my preference and not out of desperation. Don’t be afraid to state clearly on your profile your wants and needs. This will help filter out the benefactors that aren’t looking for a financial arrangement.

Potential sugar daddies may, unfortunately, skim over your profile. I wait for the point that my potential benefactor requests my number to move on to an alternative messaging app. Take this as an opening. The way I approach it is as follows: “if you don’t mind, there are a few details I would like to discuss in an arrangement before disclosing my number. I want to ensure we are a fit before going any further”. This allows for an open discussion not only relating to an allowance but also to discover each other’s sexual preferences. Sexual chemistry is a key to an enjoyable and successful mutually beneficial arrangement. So my advice is to touch on these details before the meeting.

An allowance or a pay per meet arrangement

The idea of a pay per meet for some can seem too transactional. You may have just spent a fantastic weekend together, and then there is the handover of an envelope. For some benefactors, this is an awkward moment that can create doubt in mind as to the intention of the time spent together. For others, it is merely a practical way of honouring what you have agreed upon as support in an arrangement.

The benefits of a pay per meet set up is at the beginning of an arrangement. You have reached the point of building a connection but perhaps still don’t know each other enough to commit to a monthly allowance. A mutually beneficial arrangement has to be built on trust, and this can take time. There is also the potential of schedules changing and cancellations required. If you decide to be in an exclusive arrangement, it is fair to expect a monthly allowance still even if a meeting is unable to take place. But if you are still in the early stages of discovering how your arrangement with develop, a pay per meet removes some of the pressure.

How to receive your allowance

The method in which you receive your allowance will most likely change as the arrangement progresses. When you are just starting off, you may be on a pay per meet arrangement, and so cash is the best solution. The real question is, do you ask for your allowance before intimacy occurs or once the meet is over? I have never asked for my allowance, I have always trusted I will receive it. But, I do quite a bit of vetting before moving into an intimate relationship. I also follow my instincts.

However, if you are moving faster in an arrangement, you may want to ask for the allowance before moving on to intimacy. You need to approach this delicately. DON’T ask for money before even meeting. It is rude and will give the impression your only interest is financial gain. Have an open discussion once you’ve met. Say you want to build trust, and although you are aware that it might be offending your benefactor to ask for the allowance upfront, there is less hurt involved than feeling sexually used should you decide not to give the allowance. Say that you don’t want to be naive to the circumstances and it is most likely your benefactor will be understanding. An awkward conversation I know, but one you should only have to encounter once.

If you are at the stage where you are receiving a monthly allowance, cash may not be so practical. Giving out your bank information can be a daunting thought, and isn’t something I recommend. You can, however, register for a prepaid credit card with companies like Transferwise, ePayments, and Mango. Prepaid credit cards offer banking details and accept payments worldwide. They also make great travel cards as you receive minimum fees and can upload various currencies. You can also use platforms like PayPal and Venmo. Give it time, and you will find what is right for you both.

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